Dear Deb, 

I have a question and I'm curious if this is how most men are or just the one I'm with. I was making some gifts for my fiancée's family the week before Christmas and my sewing machine broke down. The next day, my fiancée brought me and early Christmas gift ... a sewing machine.  I was very thankful and excited that he thought of me and that he knew how important it was to me to finish the gifts. I knew the sewing machine was used but that was not a problem for me. But, call it women's intuition I guess, I asked him if he bought the sewing machine from his ex-wife and sure enough, he did. That didn't even bother me all that much but what does bother me is this ... a long time ago (when I was divorced) I came across a necktie that I bought for my husband that he never wore. The necktie was really nice and it seemed a shame to go to waste so I asked my fiancée if he would like to wear it one night when we planned on going out and he made a big deal about it and thought that it was awful that I offered him something that was my ex's. What do you think about this? There are lots of things going on like this in our relationship and I do have a tendency to hold grudges. I don't think it's fair ... why should he get to react that way while I'm supposes to react in the opposite manner? Please tell me how you would feel in this situation. 
-Signed, Sew Confused

Dear Sew Confused,
It is possible that since you tried to get him to wear the necktie, he believed that you felt this sort of thing would be ok with you.  He probably was not thinking about his "temper-tantrum" about the tie and thinking more that he knew where a sewing machine was and would get it.  Never mind that it was his ex-wife's, especially since you offered the tie. Focus on the sweetness of the gesture on his part and try not to relate the two incidents in your mind.  Men tend to be very simple minded in regards to things like this and don't think things through very well. Enjoy the sewing machine, unless you'd prefer not to have it. If you'd prefer not to have it do three things: 
1.) Thank him for the kind gesture and ask him to return the machine.
2.)  Ask him to thank his ex-wife for the kind gesture of letting you use it while you finished up your work.  
3.)  Tell him that you really really want a particular sewing machine and are planning on buying it because it's the one you've been wanting. 
The important thing here is to let go of any bad feelings and to decide within you own value system whether or not you want to keep the machine.  Make a choice based on how you feel about it all without letting the tie incident influence you. Let us know what you've decided to do.
Deb2

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