Dear Deb, 

My boyfriend doesn't respect my personal privacy. We love each other very much, but he snoops into my emails, closets, etc. When I tell him to respect it, he says I should have nothing to hide. I don't have anything to hide, but I don't like him snooping through my stuff. What can I tell him? Am I overreacting? To make a long story short....I am recently divorced ... my boyfriend knew my ex-husband. My boyfriend says that it hurts him to see anything that reminds him of my past. He even gets upset if he sees mail with my former last name on it. He's gone through my closets, my car, and my email.  He says that he wants a life with me, not me and my ex. I wonder if we are going to make it. I wonder if he will get a grip, because I can't live my life upset all the time and worried about him reacting to meaningless things of the past.  What can I tell him about respecting one's privacy? I'm not hiding anything, but if he didn't snoop, he wouldn't have found those things that upset him.  I don't trust him. He says I should give him a key to my house but I am not comfortable with him alone in my home.  What can I do?

Snooping never amounts to anything good. The snooper usually takes things the wrong way and makes mountains out of molehills. My advice would be to get tough with your boyfriend. Tell him that you don't like anyone going through your things in distrust. If there is no trust, there is no relationship. So, you were married before ... big deal. What if he were married before and had a child? Would you forbid him to see the child because the child was from his first marriage and you want a life with him and not with his ex?  Tell your boyfriend that he is guilty of trying to bring up the past by snooping and it's time to declare the past is the past so the two of you have a chance of a future together. Ask him what he needs to hear, see or do to be able to stop holding onto the past once and for all.  If he can't give you an answer, tell him to think about it and call you when he can. 

Deb

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