Dear Deb, 

I went out with this guy and lived with him for four years. I broke up with him when he started neglecting me. His friends came first and he would always side with them no matter what. When he was out with his friends, he’d totally forget about any plans he made with me and not even show up!  Then a few months later, he talked me into coming back to him. He treated me good, for the most part, and I was still in love with him … so I decided to go back to him but we did not make a commitment and we did not live together this time around. This went on for three years and during this time he never invited me to visit with his friends or to have any holidays together. His friends still came first. I tried to make a commitment with him but he did not want it. I finally had enough and stopped seeing him. I met and lived with another guy for three years. My ex still called me and stopped by once in a while to see if I was "single" yet. When I did break up with this other guy, my ex was there in a flash … and, I went back to seeing him again (with no commitment). Now, most of his friends are married and have children and I thought things might change, but still no talk about the future, and he still doesn’t invite me to do anything with his friends. I've taken him to several of my family functions and he stays at my house every weekend. I’m tired of this situation, yet I cannot date others as I feel committed to him, even though I'm not. Should I get him out of my life forever or should I keep waiting for a commitment?
Signed,

Dear Wishing and Hoping, 
Men that have problems with commitment, will always have problems with commitment no matter how long you wait. If you ask, there will always be a reason why the timing isn't right and again you wait. This is one thing that will never change. Men with commitment problems will not give in to ultimatums either. You basically have two choices and neither seems particularly inviting. One choice is to decide to make a clean break so that you may find someone that you love and is willing to make commitments. The other choice is to accept him as he is and know that this is the life you will lead with him forever. You have been in and out of this relationship for a very long time, this might be a good time to decide what you want out of life and move forward with what you need and want in a relationship.

Deb2

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