Dear Deb

Dear Deb...

Q. Dear Deb... I've like this girl for two or three months but I have no idea how to tell her. Can you help me?

A. Here's a bit of advice for guys who like someone and don't know how to let their feelings be known. First of all remember that fear is your worst enemy and that it's better to have tried than not. You can make your feelings known in a safe and comfortable way and avoid the possibility of embarrassment too. The first step is to strike up a conversation. It doesn't have to be anything terribly long or complicated. It can be as simple as a question or a compliment. If nothing else, muster up the courage to say "hello". Think of it as an icebreaker. The next time you meet it will be easier to speak with her again and have a chance to gauge her feelings. Keep these important rules in mind.

Rule #1 Make good eye contact. When you talk with her, look into her eyes and smile.

Rule #2 Make her feel special. In some ways, women are less interested in the way you appear to them than in the way you make them feel. Make her feel special and unique, while remaining sincere of course.

Rule #3 Relax. How can you be charming if you are a nervous wreck? If you feel a panic attack coming on, take a deep breath and remember that over half the population is shy and has fears. What's the worst that could happen anyway? You are probably not going to ask her out the very first time you talk with her. Even if you did and you were rejected she'd probably feel flattered and that is certainly not the end of the world.

Rule #4 Gradually get bolder. Once you've talked to her a few times you can get a little bolder and make some sort of
physical contact, like grasping her arm as you speak. Notice her reaction to see if she leans in or pulls away. Also, does she seem happy to see you? Does she linger when you speak or is she trying to end the conversation and leave. Is she focusing on you or distracted by everything else around her? These are the things to look for to know if you should take it to the next and final step.

Rule #5 Don't wait forever to ask her out. Once you've broken the ice and have noticed that she might be interested in you too, it's time to take that final step ... asking for a date. If fear of rejection is holding you back, consider playing it real safe by saying "Maybe we could get together sometime and go out to ________." If she lights up or shows she is interested then you could continue with "Well, how does ______ night sound?" Somehow "asking someone to do something at sometime" is less threatening than straight out asking for a date.

Always remember that good grooming habits are a must. Getting a good haircut is one of the best things anyone can do to look better. Dress nicely (don't be messy or sloppy). Be the kind of person that people want to be around. Get involved in things, have interests other than "getting a girlfriend" and you will find that you will become a more confident and interesting person, naturally. Now, go get 'em tiger!

-Deb