Dear Deb...he wants to know about my past

Dear Deb...

Q. Dear Deb... My boyfriend wanted to "know everything" about my past, and during a heated conversation I told him "everything" including a five month relationship I had with a married man, several years ago. I had since put the whole awful experience behind me and "moved on", but this is tearing us up. Having any sort of a relationship with a married person is totally against his morals, he is having a difficult time dealing with this. We both agree that this man should suffer for what he has put me through, although he thinks the only way to do this is by telling his wife now (I'm pretty sure she never knew about the extramarital affair.). Do you know of another way to go? Please help.

A. Dear Ann... I believe in honesty and I believe that the past is the past. When you tell your significant other "all about your past" you run the risk that it will be thrown in your face at some point in the future "You did ________ when you were _____"!

Telling that man's wife about your affair would be a terrible thing to do. It would probably hurt her more than him -- why hurt her?

You and your boyfriend need to complete this and move on. Things don't have to be "perfect" to be complete -- it's OK to be complete with something that happened, and go forward. Like it or not, you were responsible too and hopefully you have learned from it. We all make mistakes and when it comes to affairs of the heart, it isn't always easy to recognize what is wrong or right.

Sit down with your boyfriend and talk it out until the two of you can be complete with your past being the past (a valuable learning experience). Convince him that telling that man's wife could be devastating to her. Ask your boyfriend to let it go and if he still can't, let me know.

Deb

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To Ann... Wait a minute! Why do you say, you both agree this man should suffer for what he put you through? I think you left something out! The more I come here and read some of these letter, I am quite sure Deb's got a good head on her shoulders and common sense! I'll tell you this... I'm 48 and "Been around...you know?" I can hit the nail on the head pretty good. And I've gotten my lumps too!
1. If you have/had put the 'awful affair' behind you... so should your boyfriend. Look at it as a lesson.. if you both have high morals now, good! Now you can learn what real forgiveness is.
2. If this is a stumbling block for you..... wait till you married! Comment from Rainman

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