Dear Deb ... I'm torn between the love I feel for the other women and the love I feel for my child

Dear Deb...

Q. Dear Deb... I am a 29 year old male and I've never asked for advice before but here goes ... My wife and I separated about one year ago mentally but stayed in the same house for the sake of our child. We never slept in the same bed or room very often, for that matter. Well, I came home one day and she said we needed to talk. We talked and she decided she was moving out. I thought it would be better for us to do that too. Well, she moved out and after a while we didn't talk or anything, I just saw our child when I could and everything seemed to be the way it should. She met someone who was going to help her move to another state. Well to my surprise, I met someone too -- a women online and we became good friends. I went to see her and when I returned, my ex was on this kick that we need to get back together, but it wasn't until her sister told her I went to visit this other woman. I truly care for the other women, but I love my child and care for my ex, but I don't know what to do. Can you give me some advice, please? I am sinking in a world of pain, torn between the love I feel for the other women and the love I feel for my child.

A. Proceed with caution. It sounds like you have been a good father and a willing partner and truly want to do the right thing. Unfortunately, there are no guarantees in life. Your ex might be jealous that you have an online friend and fear that this online friend will take you away from her (in the sense that you are there for her now). Actions generally speak louder than words. How is your ex being in all this? Is she all talk with nothing to back it up? What happened with the someone who was going to help her move to another state? Let's talk about this some more and we'll work things out.

Deb

Reply... First of all I would like to say thanks for reading my e-mail and responding...

1. How is my ex being in all this? Well she now feels we should go to God for answers and to save our marriage.
2. Is she all talk and nothing to back it up? I truly have no idea. She seems honest but I just don't understand why she didn't care until I met this other lady.
3. What happened with the guy that was helping her move out of state? Again, I have no clue ... she says I need to get this other women out of my life before her and I can go on, but she says nothing about the guy who plans to help her move. I don't know if she still wants to move or not.

Thanking you in advance for your time...

A. People can act "strangely" when it comes to money and comfort. Is it possible that she wants to keep you around because of financial security? I'm not saying she's a bad person for this, either. Life and relationships are a lot of give and take but no one should make compromises to the point of upset.

You are in a turmoil over the love and responsibility of your child, the possibility of a new love interest, and your wife announcing that she wants to get back together with you.

She still wants to move and what's the deal with this other guy? Confront her on this (and be prepared that she might not tell you the truth).

To help you with your dilemma, I'd like you to fill in the blanks:

In a "perfect world" this would happen _____________________.

Realistically, I'd be grateful for this to happen ______________.

What I DON'T want to happen is _________________________.

Talk to you soon.

Deb

Reply...
I would like to thank you for all of your help, and your honesty. You are a great source of help and I hope you continue to be here for men and women forever, Thanks, I think I know what I'm going to do.

Humbly and thankfully yours,
Anonymous

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