Dear Deb... Q. Dear Deb... My husband and I separated one month ago. Last night I went out. I knew what I was doing when I end up sleeping with this guy. I have no excuse for what I did. My husband and I are separated, possibly getting a divorce so why do I feel so guilty . I've never been with someone else when I was married. Please give me some advice. Signed, Feeling Guilty A. Dear Feeling Guilty. I tried to send you a private e-mail, but the e-mail address you gave me was not valid. Your feelings of guilt are normal, and what you did... well, let's just say I'm sure you're not the first person in your situation to do what you did. I suggest you create a learning experience from this instead of dwelling on the guilt. You said that you and your husband are separated and possibly getting a divorce. Did you make any promises to each other not to get involved with anyone else during the separation period? Was infidelity a cause of your separation? Let's talk a little more and I'll help you work things out. Q. Dear Deb... Thanks for giving me some advice. No, the separation was not because of infidelity. There were no promises made, either. I know if he ever found out what I did, he would lose it . I don't think he should freak out because he is the one who doesn't want me. So, why should I feel guilty? Maybe its just me, crazy as that sounds. Thanks for the advice please let me know what you think. Thanks. A. You said your husband would lose it if he found out. You better make sure he doesn't find out then, especially if he has a bad temper and might become violent (which I hope is not the case, but you can never be too careful). Sometimes people who go through what you've gone through (sleeping with someone else while still technically married) confuse feelings of guilt for feelings of emptiness and despair. Are you sorry for what you've done because you feel you've betrayed your husband or is it more like "oh my, I shouldn't have done that?". Were you being spiteful? Are you angry at your husband? These are the kind of things to look at. Let's talk some more about this. Hope to hear from you soon. -Deb If anyone out there has something to say on this subject? Click here Want to write to Deb about something else? Click here |
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