People Helping People

Can you offer any advice? Please read the following. 

I'm a 29 year old man.  I got to know a woman named Lisa.  We sat together in class.  When I realized that I had more
than just a passing interest in her, I began to write letters to her.  The letters had NOTHING to do with sex.  I simply
told her how she made me feel and what I liked about her.  We would talk for hours on the phone.  I have no idea how
to describe how happy I felt with her.  I was completely at ease with her and trusted her totally.  I didn't think twice about telling her I had gone to prison nine years ago for embezzling.  She was less than thrilled to hear that.  Our talks went from two hours down to five minutes. I think
the prison thing may have thrown her.  I don't hold that against her. It was my choice to break the law.  I told her I
wouldn't call or write her any more.  I didn't want to bother her.  She was angry and she said she'd never really
wanted me to call or write her in the first place.  I said, "Since you never had an interest in me, give me back the love letters.  You can't keep love letters from someone you never cared about." She refused.  It's been four months and she still won't give me back the letters I wrote.  She has repeatedly refused. Those are the only letters I've ever
written to a woman, so I'm not familiar with the rules.  Why on earth would ANY woman keep love letters from a man she
doesn't like?  I believe in what John Donne said:  "More than kisses, letters mingle souls."  We were not lovers and
I didn't even kiss her.  My interest in her was more than sex.  This is the first and only time I've loved a woman.  We did
discuss some deeply personal matters, so I can say we were intimate in a sense, because she trusted me (in which I feel privileged).  Any suggestions about people keeping love letters would be greatly appreciated.

How personal were the love letters -- did you write about any personal details of hers (things that she told you in confidence)? I could understand her not wanting to give back the letters if that were the case. Other than that, it's hard to say. You came to the conclusion that she NEVER had an
interest in you, but how do you know that is true? She may have become interested in you and yet still felt "violated" because she wasn't told the truth upfront. Again, I can't say what was going through her mind when she told you that she had never really wanted you to call or write her in the
first place.  People get defensive and often say things that they don't really mean. She may really like the love letters and want to keep them -- maybe they are the only love letters she ever got. Someone could argue that you wanting them back is equally as odd. Would you like me to post this
letter and ask my website viewers what they think? Please let me know. Deb
I didn't reveal any of her secrets in the letters.  I wrote things that had been in my head for years, but no other woman had moved me to say them, much less put them on paper.  When I wrote those letters, I believed Lisa was THE ONE.  The things I wrote should only be said to THE ONE.  If that's not Lisa, I thought I should have the letters back.  I think most people hope they'll meet THE ONE for them.  I thought I had.  You do have some interesting points, Deb.  You may post my misery.  This broken-hearted stuff is largely unpleasant.  Maybe someone will post the magic eye opening explanation and I can get some sleep.  Thanks.
Here's what other people had to say....

 - She may have thrown them out and she doesn't want to hurt his feelings. -T.M.

 - No one, man or woman, keeps love letters from someone they don't care about.- M.C.

 -  Maybe if you give her some space and time she would be willing to give them back.  Could be she was so hurt by your news that she said things that she didn't mean.  After the hurt begins to fade, both of you may be able to have a
dialogue about the letters again - A.D.

-  You were quite brave to spill your soul to her, or to anyone for that matter. I applaud you. Secondly, I think she was impressed by the letters. They made her feel good about herself. Everyone likes to know that they are liked, appreciated, and special in someone else's eyes. Though she didn't return the same feelings to you, she still feels special. She is probably shocked about the prison thing and is a little uncomfortable with the whole situation. I know it hurts, but you really should try to understand that. I know that I don't know you, but I am proud of you for being so open and sweet. Keep it up and soon you will find a woman who truly understands, appreciates, and accepts you. - Lindsey

And here's what really happened .... read on.

I called Lisa and managed to convince her I should have the letters because they mean more to me.  She gave me the letters back Sunday.  Then she called me on Monday to yell at me for talking her into giving the letters back.  She was talking about how no one had written poetry about her (I forgot to mention that was in the letters) and the letters were so moving and they were the only ones she had, that I was so mean to want them back.  After she started crying, I went and dropped the letters off at her doorstep.  You were right when you said people get defensive and say things they don't mean.  She admitted that.  I guess you can save some web space and remove my whiny little ex-problem.  I do appreciate the insight.
I love "ex-problems"! Thanks to all that helped out on this one. - Deb

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